It’s natural to have expectations for our children. We picture their milestones, imagine their successes, and hope for a smooth journey as they grow. But when things don’t go as expected, frustration and worry can take over.
At a recent team meeting, we discussed a parent who was feeling overwhelmed because their child wasn’t meeting certain expectations. The parent was so focused on what wasn’t happening that they couldn’t see the incredible strengths their child already possessed. This is a common experience for many families, where the pressure of unmet goals overshadows the progress that’s already been made. Shifting the focus from what’s lacking to what’s thriving can make all the difference
Every Child Has Strengths
Children develop in their own unique ways. While one child may struggle with reading, they may have an amazing ability to create, build, or express themselves in ways that aren’t measured by traditional milestones. A child who isn’t social in large groups might be deeply thoughtful and form meaningful one-on-one connections.
When we focus on what a child can do, we give them the confidence to keep growing. We show them that their abilities matter and that their progress—no matter how different from expectations—is valuable.
Shifting the Perspective
If you’re feeling stuck on what your child isn’t doing, try these small but powerful shifts:
- Celebrate Small Wins – Instead of worrying about what’s missing, acknowledge progress, no matter how small. Every step forward is a success.
- Look Beyond the Obvious – Strengths don’t always show up in school reports or milestones. Maybe your child is creative, empathetic, or a deep thinker.
- Reframe Challenges as Opportunities – If your child struggles with one thing, think about how their other strengths could help them grow in their own way.
- Support, Don’t Compare – Every child is different. Instead of comparing them to peers, focus on their unique journey.
Your Child Needs to Feel Seen
When a child feels valued for what they can do, their confidence grows. They are more likely to take on challenges because they know they are supported, not judged. They thrive in an environment where strengths are nurtured, and differences are embraced.
As therapists, our role isn’t to make children fit into a framework—it’s to help them discover and grow into the best version of themselves.
In one therapy session, a child struggling with anxiety and depression used a Dandy World template to create a character. At that moment, her imagination and creativity took center stage, pushing anxiety aside. This activity wasn’t just about crafting—it was about self-expression, confidence, and the joy of being seen for their strengths.
So next time you find yourself worrying about what your child isn’t doing, pause and ask: "What are they doing beautifully that I might not have noticed?"
You might be surprised by how much they shine.
